The ultimate fart joke

by massiveflux

They met at a comedy club.

He bombed that night. Horribly.

She bought him a drink, partly out of pity, but mostly out of an indescribable sense of attraction. The sort of feeling which compels you to listen to a song on loop. The initial sense of intrigue, the hook which refuses to let you go and conjures up scenes of karaoke nights with friends or your wedding where you magically overcome your debilitating lack of rhythm.

A year later, they were married. Him, the struggling writer/comedian and her, the MBA grad with the world at her feet.

Despite what the world made of him, he was the funniest person she knew. At the end of every long, tiring day of work, she had him to look forward to. The back rubs, the jokes he worked all day long on, the feeling of his beard and unruly hair between her fingers, the freakishly regular love-making.

She was his bed rock. Unwavering in support. Gorgeous. Always in the front row applauding, come what may. Lucky bastard.

It just came to him. Sitting bare-naked, out of ideas in front of the TV while she was at work.  The ultimate fart joke. Irish priest, bar, a talking donkey & plate of beans. Hilarity. He texted her the joke.

An hour goes by. No reply. Nada. Zilch. He calls her. She hadn’t received the text.

Stupid fucking T-Mobile.

He cursed to himself and texted the whole joke again. The clock reminded him it was 4 PM. He hadn’t done any of the chores she asked him to. Her parents were coming to town the next day and he had promised to go buy BBQ supplies.

He grabbed the keys to the car and gets on the highway. Out of the corner of his eyes, he spotted the screen of his phone light up.

‘Haha *crying emoji* *crying emoji* *crying emoji* my sides ache *crying emoji*’.

His face lit up. He loved nothing more than making her laugh. He imagined her throwing her head back, the hair crashing behind her in waves and her hand failingly trying to stifle the inevitable guffaw.

His joy was short-lived. He realized too late, as he looked away from the phone, that he had veered off his lane. He crashed into the back of a tractor trailer truck and died on the spot.


His fart joke was….killer.